Lasaji (Satirical)

In what can only be described as a bold new approach to journalism, Commissioner of Informations, Notworthy, has reportedly hired Sentaran mercenaries to liven up the streets of Lasaji. Tired of dull news cycles and an even duller budget, Notworthy decided that if the stories wouldn't come to him, he'd just send some heavily armed professionals to make a few.

"We needed more bang for our buck," Notworthy quipped at a press conference, casually flicking a bullet casing off his podium. "Our articles were so boring that even the obituaries were falling asleep. So, I figured, why not bring some excitement? After all, nothing boosts readership like a little 'creative chaos.'"

The Commissioner has dubbed his new approach, "Creative Journalism," though critics argue it's more like "creating victims." Notworthy shrugged off the concerns, noting that the uptick in local violence has led to record-breaking sales of the Lasaji Times. "People were just dying to read something interesting," he said with a smirk, completely unfazed by the irony.

Lasaji residents, meanwhile, are adjusting to their new roles as unwilling participants in Notworthy's headlines. "I used to worry about parking tickets; now I'm dodging sniper fire on my way to the grocery store," said one resident. "But hey, at least the news is finally worth reading!"

The government is reportedly considering increasing the budget for the Commission of Informations, possibly just to keep Notworthy from further "innovating." "He's already turned to city into a war zone," one official remarked. "We'd rather throw money at him than find out what he'll do next. I'm not ready for 'Breaking News: Lasaji Explodes!'"

When asked what else he has in store, Notworthy grinned like a man who just found the detonator. "Let's just say the next issues will blow you away – literally, if you're not careful."

So, if you're in Lasaji, stay tuned. You might just become tomorrow's front-page story ... assuming you survive.