Prym's Proletariat Rants: An Editor's Descent Into Madness

In the newsroom of the Crimson Quill, Head Editor Liark's life is an unending descent into editorial hell, thanks to Prym – the paper's self-proclaimed revolutionary and wordsmith. What should be simple articles turn into 3,000-word manifestos, attacking capitalism, punctuation, and reality itself.

Last week's article, Eat the Rich (and Maybe the Copy Editor), was meant to cover rising food costs. Instead, it became a frenzied rant connecting Cheerios, pigeons, and the oppressive nature of commas. Liark, eyeing the mess like it was a ransom note from a parallel universe, asked, "Are you saying we overthrow cereal companies?" Prym, sipping his coffee like it contained pure rebellion, nodded. "Capitalism will fall – starting with Cheerios."

Deadlines? Prym treats them like he treats coherent thought – completely irrelevant. "Deadlines are capitalist traps," he announced, two months late with Down with Time: A Marxist Critique of Clocks, a 7,000-word manifesto on why time itself is a tool of oppression. By then, Liark was convinced that Prym wasn't just late because of "late-stage capitalism" – he was late because that's Prym.

Even the most innocent assignment becomes a crusade. A local mayor's speech report morphed into Revolution at the Podium, a 4,500-word critique of public speaking as a tool of the bourgeois. Laiark skimmed page three, wondering if this was all just an elaborate cry for help.

But nothing topped Prym's solution to missed deadlines: burn the articles. "The revolution doesn't need paper," he declared, setting fire to his latest 12-page monstrosity, Abolish Printing: Why Ink is the Bourgeois Blood. As Liark watched the flames consume the manuscript, and the office printer – broken since 2017 – finally gave up the ghost, he realised something grim.