Yaczaya: A Visit to the Eastern Frontier

YACZAYA — Ah yes, Yaczaya—a city so impossibly flat that, that one P-Bear would get his crotch wet. A marvel of modern urban planning. This masterpiece was conceived by a team of planners who drafted so many blueprints that the clearing where Yaczaya should stand now resembles a crime scene from a terraforming horror show. Napredna City would blush, had its builders ever heard of altitude levelling—or shame.

This is all painfully true, dear reader, and I, your ever-reliable writer Sneky Maritas, bore witness to the carnage with my own two eyes. For all their grandeur, the city plans are like a magician's trick—magnificent on paper but cursed to languish forever in the designer hell it was condemned to from the beginning.

And let's talk about that name. Yaczaya? A word so convoluted it makes tongue twisters sound like lullabies. Even our esteemed General Secretary looked ready to disown the alphabet while trying to pronounce it. Enter Xeroist, the political mascot-slash-savior, who had to reduce the moment by painstakingly explaining the name's meaning and pronunciation. Poor Comrade Zaaki, leader of the ZSD, fled the room after the first sentence, possibly retaining all his life choices. And then there was Notworthy— our dear, vacant-eyed onlooker—looking like he'd overdosed on some particularly uplifting hallucinogens, blissfully indifferent to the linguistic massacre around him.

The question remains: Will Yaczaya ever escape the purgatory of drafts and diagrams? Or will it remain a cautionary tale—a flat, featureless monument to hubris and bureaucratic overkill? Only time, and perhaps a divine intervention, will tell. ◾︎